.nona doing the important work of making sure none of us end up on r/relationships
.) Instead, “practice a feeling of distress tolerance,” Solomon says. Accept that there will likely be some heightened conflict. Let the feelings “wash over you without tying those feelings to a behavior or a decision.” And try to be as kind and patient as humanly possible.
This concentrated time with your partner could prove to be clarifying, one way or another. You two could rise to the occasion by offering empathy and restraint when the other is acting cold or irrational. You could show up for each other and provide much-needed support, intimacy, and affection during a literal life-or-death crisis. After all this is over, you may end up thinking: “This is my person, and we’re in this together.
Of course, if you’re already on shaky ground with your boo, hunkering down together could “take a fissure and bust it wide open,” Solomon says. She offers an example: Let’s say, when things are normal and we’re not amid a pandemic, you tend to judge your partner for being too emotional. A wildly emotional time like this could amplify the problem. “One partner could think, ‘Dude, you weren’t there for me. You judged my reactions. You minimized my emotions,’” Solomon says.
The best-case scenario is to ask for it ahead of time. Make a daily schedule of when your attention is on your partner, and when it’s decidedly off. You can also just be blunt and tell your partner you need an hour or two by yourself. Saying something like “I’m going to go in the other room for a while for some quiet time,” is kind, yet still establishes that you need space. But let’s be real: Few of us are that mature.
Sadly, like other coping mechanisms, your level of horniness may not match up with your partner’s. Once again, you gotta pull from your reserves of empathy—and have a high tolerance for unusual routines. Maybe one of youa lot, and the other one is cool with providing privacy. If your partner turns you down, try not to go down a self-hating rabbit hole of rejection; remind yourself that crisis affects us all differently.
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