'I usually just remember that the most important person in my life is myself, and that not everyone in life is going to be 100% supportive, and that's OK.'
Not only could this help make your identity more visible to the people around you , but it can be a good physical and tangible reminder of who you are, says DeRitis. If you don’t feel safe having this token on externally, it can be something worn under your clothing or otherwise hidden, but at least you’ll know that it’s there.
Gisela, a 20-year-old butch lesbian, says they also go into the bathroom to do breathing exercises or look into the mirror and affirm themselves whenever family interactions get overwhelming. “I look in the mirror and know that my identity is real and valid regardless of any external factors,” they say.
Even though it can be confusing to figure out what isn’t OK with you, it can help you to figure out your boundaries. “Boundaries are the rules we set for ourselves around our interpersonal interactions. If someone is not affirming your identity or asking intrusive questions, it's OK to set a boundary with that person and end the conversation,” says Brandel Dykhuizen. “It's OK to say, ‘I'd rather not talk about this with you right now. Tell me about your dog .
Remember that no matter what happens, your identity is not up for discussion. It is always and will always be you who gets to set the terms of the discussions you have or don't have around your identity. If you’re unsure of who to reach out to either before, during, or after a situation, it’s possible to reach out to the
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