How 20 couples say they make their marriages work, with responses ranging from having 'maintenance sex' to encouraging each other to pursue things on their own
Photo: Bettmann/Getty Images Making a lifelong commitment to another person is bound to come with obstacles. There’s no easy answer to how to have a happy marriage, but some couples seem to have it figured out. The Cut asked dozens of readers to tell us how they make their marriages work. Their responses ranged from having maintenance sex, to encouraging each other to pursue things on their own to, of course, communication, communication, communication. Here’s what we learned.
4) Being married is about having a witness to your life: this person who’s signed up to be there for it all. A happy marriage is about that witness caring about everything you do: the weird things you’re into, all the decisions you have to make in a day. Laughing at your joke because they were listening. Just give a shit! I think that’s love and that’s a pretty great way to stay happily married, every day. —Ages 35 and 39, married four years. Met in a dive bar in New York City.
8) If you’re willing to make it work, that’s everything. If you both are, you’ll find a middle ground in every conflict. Making one person happy is already difficult, and making two people happy is impossible if you have only one person dedicated to the job. Equal work from both parties is crucial. —Ages 33 and 32, married five years. Met when I started my previous job; he was my supervisor.
12) When we’re unhappy, we tell each other. That’s meant some tough conversations, but hiding dissatisfaction or resentment just widens the gap between you. We sometimes have maintenance sex, because sex makes you feel close even if the kids and work have been hijacking your time and energy. —Ages 38 and 38, married 13 years. Met in college.
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