'Even great advice will likely be ignored if it is delivered with overtones of shaming, contempt, or derision.' Here's what parents need to know about vicarious learning.
Parents naturally want to give their children advice about handling future situations or past actions.Short-term imperfection is to be expected when cultivating the longer term goals of autonomy and competency.As parents, you will advise your children throughout their lives, and you will likely feel that certain advice is especially critical for your children to hear.
One quality that constitutes good counsel is presenting your children with possible actions they might implement that fit their character or. Most of us have had the opportunity to witness peers or colleagues handle situations in ways we admire but that feel foreign to us. When you present solutions to your children, consider the temperamental or maturational differences between you and them that might make your suggestions difficult to enact.
You may also think there is one optimal way your children should respond in a given situation, especially if you believe that their responding any differently would encourage someone to mistreat them. Although you may be right, remember that you are in this for the long haul. You are not just trying to give the best advice in the moment, but cultivating in your children the necessary skills to make good decisions down the road when you might not be around to influence their actions.
How advice is delivered often determines the likelihood that it will be used. Because most of us don't want to hear what we're doing wrong, the manner in which our flaws are pointed out to us is critical. For many, hearing implications that there was no possibility of a positive outcome due to their actions leaves them feeling ashamed or put down. Even great advice will likely be ignored if it is delivered with overtones of shaming, contempt, or derision.
Are you a parent who communicates your judgment of others openly? If so, your children will quickly learn the criteria for your praise and criticism. They will also grow to know what you think about their actions. It will not matter if you openly express your opinions or not. This is called, and parents frequently teach in this way, though often unknowingly.
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