Is there any point to having goals? edithzimmerman writes
Photo: Images Of Our Lives/Getty Images If you’ve ever worked hard to achieve something, only to feel disappointed and deflated when it didn’t really change you in the end, well, there are now multiple terms for that feeling: one is “arrival fallacy,” or the feeling of getting somewhere only to realize it’s the same place you’ve always been, as a recent New York Times story outlined. Another term is “success hangover,” or the feeling of post-achievement queasiness and emptiness.
Okay. So is there any point to having goals? Yes, or at least we probably always will have them, regardless. But one way to circumvent or mitigate this “arrival fallacy” letdown is to have multiple goals going at once, in various life arenas, as the Times suggests: “lay out multiple concurrent goals, both in and out of your work life.” That way, when one goal lets you down, or wraps up, you can turn your focus to another without ever having to scrape the bottom or be fully empty-hearted.
Another approach is to have no goals, or to hold them more loosely. I was moved by a recent story in the Buddhist magazine Tricycle about overcoming “the vortex of desire.” The authors’ core suggestion is to practice identifying a desire, observing it, ignoring it, and seeing what happens. “Every now and again, when you notice yourself wanting something,” the authors write, whether it’s a thing or a state of mind, “decide that you are not going to have it.
That said, in my own life, I think I’ve been happiest — well, or the least stressed out — when I had no goals, or when real goals seemed so far off they weren’t worth thinking about. That doesn’t seem like such an easy or desirable state to muscle myself back to, though. I coasted into a career in media, for instance, having only a vague idea in college that I wanted to be a “travel writer,” for which I moved to New York and then did whatever came along that seemed interesting.
Maybe it’s fine to submit to all these ultimately unfulfilling goals and laugh about our inevitable, constant disappointments. It seems that even knowing that certain “achievements” won’t meaningfully change our default inner states doesn’t really change our desire to achieve them. For instance, I’m dying to get engaged, although rationally I know it wouldn’t change much. Probably. In some ways it might even make things worse.
Indonesia Berita Terbaru, Indonesia Berita utama
Similar News:Anda juga dapat membaca berita serupa dengan ini yang kami kumpulkan dari sumber berita lain.
New Parenting Trend Involves Just Handing Children Bulleted List Of Things To Accomplish By 30NEW YORK—Saying the popular new practice appears to be growing in popularity particularly in coastal states and within more affluent suburbs, several family experts confirmed Friday that the latest parenting trend involves just handing children a bulleted list of things they need to accomplish by the age of 30. “An increasing number of moms and dads are taking a more direct style of parenting that involves simply printing out a list of life achievements, handing it to their child, and telling them to get it all done before they turn 30 years old,” said Parents magazine editor Mallory Schneider, adding that the new technique encourages independence and has a built-in flexibility, as parents can customize their lists according to whatever specific expectations they have for their child. “These lists often span multiple pages and contain a variety of personal and career benchmarks, such as maintaining a 4.0 GPA through high school, lettering in one or more varsity sports, winning a debate state championship, graduating from college, earning an advanced degree, getting married, buying a home, and providing as many grandchildren as the parent deems fit. It really puts the power in the hands of the child—typically around the age of 10 or 11, when they receive the list—by allowing them to figure out how to achieve all the goals in the allotted time.” Experts also confirmed that many parents are giving their children a supplementary list of less-preferred, but still suitable, backup plans should they fail to complete the original set of accomplishments.
Baca lebih lajut »