SeeingSomeone: 'Is there a way I can enjoy my IRL communities while exploring romantic connections? Should I start having girls sign a contract that if the dates go badly, we’ll both Eternal Sunshine them from our brains?'
You call this a modern problem, but I think what you’re dealing with is sort of premodern. Back when we all lived in little villages or whatever, everyone knew who everyone else was dating, and you couldn’t just avoid your ex because she was your neighbor or the blacksmith’s daughter. You had to just suck it up and figure out how to behave.
I know it may seem like common sense, but I think we could all benefit from a refresher after a decade on the apps and a couple of pandemic years that made us all sort of socially awkward. So here’s what I would do: If there’s someone you’re feeling weird around, text them and see if they’re open to speaking. Once you’re face-to-face, communicate directly about how you feel.
Like you, she couldn’t just ghost, but that ended up working out for her. Since they lived together, they were “forced to talk about practical matters and just hang out and shoot the shit,” she says. Of their transition back to friendship, Cami explains, “It was sort of ‘fake it till you make it.’” It won’t be easy to share a space with these girls, but you could try Cami’s approach: Just act normal until you feel normal, and maybe everyone else will follow suit.
As for your feelings of embarrassment around other members of the group, know this: People just aren’t as invested in your romantic life as you think they are. Maria was also wary of the other dancers judging her, but she quickly turned a corner. “I realized that a lot of people didn’t actually care as much as I thought,” she says. “Other people were also using the group to date and hook up.
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