SeeingSomeone: 'Is there a way I can enjoy my IRL communities while exploring romantic connections? Should I start having girls sign a contract that if the dates go badly, we’ll both Eternal Sunshine them from our brains?'
I’ve been feeling a little burnt out on dating apps, so I’ve started dating within my IRL communities. Recently, I went out with some girls from my improv group, and have encountered a new, more modern problem: Everyone is so used to ghosting their app matches that no one knows how to break up in person!
You say that “no one knows how to break up” and that your dates aren’t up front about their feelings, but I think the real issue is that you don’t know how to act around people you’ve had ambiguously romantic interactions with. Maybe you’re out of practice: After so many years of the dating apps, we’re all pretty used to ghosting and receding back into our respective lives, maybe throwing each other an Instagram like every now and then.
Like you, she couldn’t just ghost, but that ended up working out for her. Since they lived together, they were “forced to talk about practical matters and just hang out and shoot the shit,” she says. Of their transition back to friendship, Cami explains, “It was sort of ‘fake it till you make it.’” It won’t be easy to share a space with these girls, but you could try Cami’s approach: Just act normal until you feel normal, and maybe everyone else will follow suit.
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