By questioning marriage's stodgy ideology, queer people are helping everybody win 🌈 MTVVOLUME
My first week of college, I let myself completely own my first girl crush. I watched her walk across the dining hall, holding her tray as she floated from the salad bar to the soda fountain. “Who is she?” The words spilled out of my mouth across the table to my roommate and brand-new friends. “I have to know who she is.”
It might feel natural, then, to consider marriage, at least somewhere down the line. But the restrictive and patriarchal norms of the institution often feel like exclusionary deterrents to people whose experiences with love don’t fit within the standards of heteronormativity. Coupled with the fact that Millennials and Gen Zers are more likely to be in debt and less likely to own a house, we might balk at the prospect of combining debts — despite how much we love our partners.
"[We’re getting married] because it's something we really want to do, not because it's what we're supposed to do,” fitness producer Jordan*, 29, says. “As queer people we inherently question those things. For a while, getting married wasn't an option for all of us, so it wasn't necessarily in everybody's 10-year-plan."
It is important to remember that marriage doesn’t change one’s queer identity, even if the outside package of your relationship looks like a heterosexual couple. In particular, bi erasure when the legitimacy of bisexuality is questioned or denied is a thing, and, compared to 71 percent of lesbians and 77 percent of gay men. Coming out to a partner, then, can also be difficult; it can even involve having to defend your own identity.
“For some reason, because marriage equality was upheld by the Supreme Court, a lot of well-meaning people seem to think the deep roots of homophobia have been overturned,” says 22-year-old Frankie Suarez. “That just isn't true at all.” Though Suarez, who works in the food industry, feels marriage is so far off that it’s not on her radar, she recognizes the protections it offers, “like, if a longtime partner gets very ill and wants to will their possessions to me before passing.
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