What to do when you feel yourself desperately trying to please everyone
Photo: Photo: Shutterstock.com Let me explain how I wound up with a kid. I was talking to this woman — I’ll call her Bangs, because she had great hair — at a party. Because she has cool hair, writes funny essays, and was brazenly smoking pot through a personal vaporizer at a swanky fashion party, I wanted her to think I was equally interesting. So there I was, desperately trying to relate, while she talked about her real, living child, and how stressful it was to be a parent in the Internet age.
This cycle consists of deep feelings of unworthiness, excessive attempts to be or do what you think others want from you, worry about meeting those supposed demands, and sacrificing your own well-being to please or fit in with others … Because people pleasing behaviors are based on the idea that we must do these things in order to be loved, they actually deny us the experience of being accepted as we are.
Over the course of two days, I filled out an application for an apartment I didn’t want because the broker seemed so eager to rent it to me. Then, I had to avoid her desperate pleas and e-mails. I let myself get ripped off at a clothing resale shop: I should have negotiated for more money, but instead, I stood there in silent, smiling rage.
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