DearPrudie: I tried to explain how this all started but he looked at me like I was crazy. Help!
My partner and I have been together for more than 12 years. When we met, I had recently recovered from a mental health break that caused me to rethink my previous life goals . Meanwhile, he had big plans and life goals all mapped out, which I thought very impressive. We managed to marry, buy a home, advance our careers , and get two dogs as he wished . While we had ups and downs, we were always able to overcome our challenges together—until the last three years before/during COVID.
One of my partner’s last life goals was children. Early in our relationship, I had requested to adopt kids, as that was my personal preference. We went along with this plan and tried foster-to-adopt, but after one year, found it more difficult than we had imagined, especially with both of us having to work full time. After that, COVID hit and we decided to try having a child naturally. After over a year and a half trying, we were tested and found infertile; IVF was our only option.
Early on in my marriage, my husband and I stumbled upon the phrase “this is not a trap” and use it all the time as a precursor to a request, a proclamation, or a change. So perhaps you want to tell your fiancé the same: “This is not a trap: The thing that would make me really happy is if you went out to the concert with a friend and told me about it when you get home.
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