Fetus Panics After Ballooning Up To 500 Times Her Original Weight: ‘I Gotta Lay Off The Placenta,’ Says Worried Fetus
NEW YORK—Saying the rapid gains had caused her to reflect on her dietary habits, local fetus Sarah Lehman reportedly panicked Monday after ballooning up to 500 times her original weight.
“I’ve gotta slow down with the placenta, man—some of these nutrients, I don’t even chew them,” said the concerned fetus, noting that she had been doing kicks every day to burn extra calories, but that they didn’t seem to be helping with her relentless weight gain of four pounds over the past eight months. “When I was just a zygote, I was super hot. But now I’m gross. Ugh, and it’s just been getting worse and worse ever since I formed bones.
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