Do you ever feel like your feelings are being ignored or not taken seriously? Here's how to speak up and make some positive changes.
–the hero, the rebel. Or, you may have grown up with dominating parents where children were seen but not heard.
Early experiences of feeling dismissed become part of the problem: Not only because you continue to be sensitive to these slights and hurts as an adult, but when triggered, you automatically slip into that “little kid” response: You feel one-down, angry but powerless, and have a hard time speaking up or pushing back.
Instead, pick a time when you are both calm and talk about the larger pattern of behavior that you’ve noticed: The frequent looking at the phone, the mansplaining, interruptions, or the lack of follow through.At this point, they may get defensive, want you to supply evidence when they did any of this, or feel you’re just complaining and dismiss what you’re saying yet again). Don’t take the bait or go down that rabbit hole.
Like most old wounds that we are sensitive to and trigger us, the key is doing now what you couldn’t do as a child—letting others know how you feel, what bothers you, and what you need. By doing this, you not only solve those problems that have been dogging you but, in the process, heal those childhood wounds.Taibbi, R. . Doing couple therapy: Craft & creativity in intimate relationships. New York: Guilford.
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