A primer on the psychology of sex. 🧠
How we experience our sexuality has a lot to do with bodies: how we like to touch and be touched, how we respond to different kinds of stimulation or illness or physiological issues that may change our sexual desire and responses. But that’s not the whole picture. A big part of our sex lives is defined by the things we have learned about sex, by what we think and how we think about sex and by what we know and believe about relationships.
“There’s a great deal of sexual implications that come from our psychology, our education, our upbringing and the messages we get from culture and the media,” she explains. “These things contribute to how we see ourselves as sexual beings and how we understand sexuality, consent and relationships.” And as with many cultural messages, sometimes, they don’t match our desires or our experience. Take queer sexuality, for example. Before the gay rights movement, many LGBTQ people felt they had a “disordered” sexuality that required treatment. Homosexuality was considered a mental illness until 1973. The messages around nonheterosexual desire made some people feel distressed about their desires, leading them to believe they were broken or wrong.
MORE: 3 Science-Proven Ways to Have More Orgasms The Role of Shame According to Levkoff, the way we internalize those cultural messages can lead us to feel shame about our sexuality. “If we feel an ounce of shame about who we are, our identity, consent or speaking up, it can have significant physical and mental sexual health outcomes,” she says. “That’s when we have trouble giving consent or discussing boundaries.
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