We ranked every episode of CurbYourEnthusiasm from worst to best
Photo-Illustration: Vulture Who knew a 1999 mockumentary titled Larry David: Curb Your Enthusiasm would open the door to one of greatest sitcoms ever? Or that Curb Your Enthusiasm would return for a ninth season after a six-year absence? These are dark times for both liberalism and comedy, and so Larry David has answered the call to bring his Curb band back together to skewer everything and anything in his sight.
88. “A Disturbance in the Kitchen” Elizabeth Banks is just one of this episode’s blink-and-you-miss-them characters , but she makes her time count. Initially turned on by Larry’s boldness in the face of fatwa condemnation, she eventually realizes what everyone already knows: A relationship with L.D. is all good until you fail to enable his most adolescent schemes, like worming his way out of trouble with a policeman after inadvertently vandalizing his car.
84. “Chet’s Shirt” Had Ted Danson been warned by Rob Reiner or Julia Louis-Dreyfus not to go into any kind of partnership with their dear friend, he might have avoided the eminent disaster played out over a superlative season-three arc. Alas, Ted and Michael York are stuck debating the merits of Larry’s notions to conceive a dining area that’s part aristocratic quarters and part military mess hall.
80. “Kamikaze Bingo” The irony in Larry David doubting anyone else’s dignity is that he has no honor whatsoever. Not that he censors himself from betraying skepticism that Japanese art dealer Yoshi’s father was an actual kamikaze pilot . Or stops a game of poker upon receiving word that said art dealer attempted suicide.
76. “The Accidental Text on Purpose” Oftentimes, the more matter-of-fact a Curb title, the cleverer its episode’s conceit. “Accidental Text on Purpose” puts a mouthful of a name to a social runaround we’ve all deployed to either correct someone’s perception of us or weasel out of a commitment no questions asked. This being Curb, it works until it doesn’t, and egg winds up on all four stooges’ faces, to the delight of anyone who enjoys their comeuppance.
72. “The Group” Notable Seinfeld alum Melanie Smith pops up as Larry’s ex, who makes a “brief appearance” during Larry’s masturbatory fantasy, much to Cheryl’s chagrin. Oh, and she’s an incest survivor who asks Larry to join her at a support group. Worst idea ever. Lucy realizes this once Larry improvises a recollection of being molested by his uncle from Great Neck so as to fit in.
68. “Fatwa!” “Fatwa!” is an anti-finale, totally removed from the groundwork Curb laid for nine preceding episodes. But it’s also big in scale and star power, and puts to bed the most pressing concern of whether Larry will escape the fanatical Muslim fringe unscathed. A Looney Tunes–worthy closing shot of an angry Iranian-American in hot pursuit suggests he’ll at least need to consider donning a hairpiece and fake mustache once more.
64. “The Smiley Face” Pity Larry’s long-suffering assistant Antoinette , who stays with Larry despite his absolute obliviousness to her occasional and valid personal needs. Of course her ailing dad would finally shuffle off the day Larry guilted her into returning to work. “The Smiley Face” depends, as with so many Curb episodes, on the strength of whatever taboo Larry is busting.
60. “The Korean Bookie” “I don’t wanna spoil your fun, you’re having a good time. It’s just … it’s idiotic, what you’re doing.” If there’s ever a Larry David monument, etch that into its pedestal. “Korean Bookie” gives the yin and yang of Larry-ness: He’s not wrong for being weirded out that a friend went into his car to borrow a jacket without asking, but he’s absolutely barking up the wrong tree thinking his Korean bookie kidnapped Oscar’s dog as an ethnic delicacy.
56. “The Larry David Sandwich” By any standard, the titular meal bearing Larry’s name at his favorite L.A. deli is less than scintillating: whitefish, sable, capers, onions, and cream cheese. It’s less an assignment of his stature than designation of him being near death. He actually does almost drown at the episode’s outset, and as a result comes close to finding God.
52. “Ted and Mary” We learn one very important lesson in this episode: Barneys’ salespeople are very good at their jobs, but not to be messed with. Apart from introducing two more regulars or foils to the cast — titular Hollywood couple Ted Danson and Mary Steenburgen — the episode manages a neat misdirection. After being victimized by a bowling-alley-shoe thief, Larry ultimately retrieves his poached pair from the guilty party.
48. “The Benadryl Brownie” Larry can’t catch a break when it comes to his employment habits. In season one’s “Affirmative Action,” he was accused of only hiring white people, and in “Benadryl Brownie,” he insists to his cable guy that he doesn’t exclusively fire black workers. Good thing he’s still friends with Wanda Sykes, who witnesses him padding the cable guy’s diner tip.
44. “Mister Softee” If Michael Richards could reap the spoils of Curb-as-public-reclamation-project, why can’t World Series goat Bill Buckner? A combination of omnipresent Mister Softee trucks — which trigger flashbacks to a nightmarish memory from Larry’s youth that discloses the origins of “prettay, prettay, prettay” — and a crazed Robert Smigel give Larry some insight into Buckner’s struggles with an unforgivable error.
40. “The Safe House” Funkhouser is really feeling his oats in season eight. In the premiere, he followed Larry’s lead and got a divorce. Here, he gossips with Larry and Jeff about Richard Lewis’s burlesque-dancer girlfriend’s fine bosom — and promptly sums up her personality this way, sending Jeff into a giggle fit: “She’s dumb.” Which brings to mind two words that encapsulated Larry on his mother’s tombstone in season seven: “An asshole.
36. “The Pants Tent” Years before Girls and Insecure broke their own boundaries with careful placement of stage ejaculate, Curb laid down the gauntlet from week one that it trafficked heavily and profanely in the lane of senior genitalia. “There was something hard in there, and it was your fucking dick,” shouts Cheryl’s friend Nancy , furious that Larry won’t take ownership over having been involuntarily aroused while they were at the movies.
32. “Shaq” Seinfeld had its share of hospital scenes, and Curb takes that legacy for a meta-spin when Larry makes peace with Shaquille O’Neal in one of the series’ most satisfying full circles: After injuring the NBA superstar by accidentally tripping him from a courtside seat, Larry wheels in every episode of Seinfeld to Shaq’s recovery room. It also creates a scenario where Larry is now a pariah not only outside of his usual inner circles but nationwide, as if it were his destiny.
28. “The Doll” Larry is childless, so he doesn’t realize that children often don’t know what they really want. Like when the daughter of an ABC exec — who just greenlit Larry and Julia Louis-Dreyfus’s new show — wants him to snip her favorite doll’s long locks with a Swiss Army knife, she’d instantly back that ask up if she knew the hair wouldn’t grow back .
24. “The Shucker” If a tenth season occurs, what happened between Larry and Cheryl in Tahoe — or at least whatever it was Cheryl shared with Ted that gave him the giggles — ought to be resolved. Their run-in with Ted Danson, with whom Larry hilariously pleads to stop acting already, is one of a few standout set pieces in the lobby of Lin-Manuel Miranda’s agency building. “Speakin’ of crazy, I mean, what the fuck?” Larry deadpans when Jeff arrives in full cowboy attire.
20. “The Blind Date” Is “yo,” as in yogurt, a prefix? It’s the kind of question, à la George Costanza’s musings on “ma” and “nure,” that gnaws at Larry but rankles those in his orbit even more. Watching him and Ben Stiller go tit for tat brings to mind the childish meltdown between him and Laura Silverman in season three’s “Club Soda and Salt,” like drawn-out articulations of his eyeballing staredowns.
16. “The Reunion” If there’s one string Larry has left to pull with Cheryl, it’s enticing her back into acting. To win back his lady, he will betray every cranky principle he’s ever endorsed by approving a Seinfeld reunion, with a role for Cheryl as George’s ex-wife. It’s actually sort of romantic.
12. “The Ida Funkhouser Roadside Memorial” Most people, when craving something sweet in a cone or cup, will sample a flavor or two and then make their selection. Any unnecessary rumination is akin to idling behind a deliberative post-office customer. Stuck behind a woman fussing before the gelato counter, Larry flips his wig: In a stunning Curb sequence, he’s arguably in the right about her holding up the line.
8. “The Grand Opening” What’s terrific about Larry firing the restaurant’s bald chef after catching him with a toupee is that Jeff unequivocally supports his logic. Now these two putzes have a matter of days to replace poor Phil, a situation exacerbated when Larry breaks a merciless food critic’s thumbs during a game of dodgeball.
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