‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’ May Be the Reason Why You’re Such a People-Pleasing Adult

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‘Eldest Daughter Syndrome’ May Be the Reason Why You’re Such a People-Pleasing Adult
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Eldest daughter syndrome places early responsibility and maturity on the oldest girl in a family. Learn the signs and how to cope with it.

eing the oldest sibling comes with a lot of memorable firsts for you and your parents: the very first baby steps, the first name in the baby book, the first child to graduate high school. Unfortunately, you may have also been the first one up in the morning because you had to get your younger siblings ready for school, or the first one who learned to cook because making dinner became your responsibility. Perhaps you felt more like a surrogate parent to your siblings rather than a child yourself.

For folks on TikTok at least, the idea of an eldest daughter syndrome rings very true to their experiences. “Now sure if I feel attacked or seen,” wrote one person on Morton's video. “I never remember being a kid. Always felt responsible for both parents and younger brothers…I’m exhausted,” wrote another.

There is some newer evidence that eldest daughters literally grow up faster than other children. A 2024 study published in the journalfollowed mother-daughter pairs for 15 years and found girls whose mothers were stressed during pregnancy tended to go through go through adrenarche—a pre-puberty phase of development that—sooner.

There may even be an upside to this syndrome, including qualities like self-reliance, confidence, and independence. Eldest daughters tend to have strong communication skills from having to solve problems or mediate conflict between siblings, Dr. Appleton says. Other people may describe them as trustworthy, dependable, and self-sufficient.

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