It’s the height of the pandemic, and I’m looking for an apartment for the first time in 17 years. Some things never change: Finding a place in lower Manhattan is hard if you’re not fabulously wealthy.
Learning that the bargain Manhattan apartment you're thinking of renting has no toilet is a deal-breaker, of course. Or is it?
In late 2020, I see an amazing apartment on Carmine Street. Amazing is a relative term, of course. This apartment is raw. The designer loved stucco, and the hardwood floors are painted a brutalist gray. But it is huge: a genuine two-bedroom, with soaring ceilings, tremendous light and unobstructed views of Greenwich Village, all for $1,995 a month. Now that I work from home, the extra space seems positively luxurious. I am ready to make an offer.
“No, um, toilet?” is all I can manage. If I weren’t wearing a mask, this would have been a good time for a spit take.I find it hard to believe that there are people who preferto have a toilet in their apartment. For the record, this is the only bathroom in the apartment. And the toilet isn’t broken. It simply isn’t there. It never has been. The listing, which mentions that the apartment is near an Equinox and a Starbucks, neglects to mention this.
Another friend votes against it, saying earnestly, “You don’t want to be known as the no-toilet-in-his-apartment guy.” I’m tempted to rent the apartment anyway. The communal pool in my childhood neighborhood in Texas made friends of all the neighbors — might this have a similar effect? Imperfect indoor plumbing was good enough for every human being on Earth until about 100 years ago — surely I could get by. I was an ancient history major — this will connect me to the past. I’m an artist — this will keep me humble.
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