If you find “playing it by ear” to be “manipulative, rude, anxiety-inducing, and extremely disruptive,” how should you handle friends who don’t plan in advance?
Your conundrum reminds me of the way I feel when I try to do my taxes. I am aware that there is math involved—a lot of math—but I can’t figure out what kind of math, let alone actually do it. There are too many variables. When I try to focus, my head explodes. That’s why I have an accountant. My taxes get done.
There is, in your case, however, no I.R.S. looking over your shoulder to make sure that you get all your plans with friends in on time or else pay a penalty. So, rather than hire a professional to do your scheduling for you, I’d suggest that you take a more laid-back approach. My sense is that, if you were lonely enough to actually want to see all your friends regularly, you’d be better able to put up with their scheduling quirks.
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