Dear Abby advises a woman whose husband doesn’t believe that his best friend groped her at a party, and a man who is married to a woman but realizes he’s gay.
My husband’s best friend groped my privates several years ago at a party. It was traumatizing. I have never forgotten how abused and dirty it made me feel. I told my husband about it when we got home, but he’d had a lot to drink and told me I must have been imagining things.
As time went by, I would occasionally bring it up, especially when we would see this person. When the #metoo movement came into being, it brought out all those memories, and I asked my husband to confront the man, who remains his best friend. He refuses. I am deeply hurt that he still thinks I’m imagining things and doesn’t have my back. What should I do? Should I drop it or give him an ultimatum — either confront the friend or I leave? —Your husband doesn’t think you are imagining things. For him to make that accusation is called “gaslighting.” He prefers to avoid a confrontation with his best friend rather than defend you because the friendship is more important to him than your feelings.
For a while, this worked well. However, my feelings for men grew stronger, and trying to hide from my true self became much harder. Now I can’t stop thinking about being with a man. I have even signed up for a dating site and flirted with a few men, although I have never met any of them in person because I don’t want to cheat on my wife. I don’t know if I should tell her I’m gay and want to date men, or if I should continue suppressing my feelings for the sake of my family. Please help.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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