Dear Abby advises a woman whose daughter’s fiance had a shocking secret and gives medical advice to an elderly person.
My daughter and her fiance are intelligent, successful professionals in their early 30s. Her fiance just informed her he was a sperm donor for a friend and his wife a few years ago, resulting in two biological children with one more on the way.
He never mentioned this to my daughter before. She suspected that something wasn’t right because he would hide his phone , and she finally confronted him last week. He bonded with the children during the first year of their lives with frequent visits, then tapered off because the friends had become uncomfortable with his being around .
Her fiance says he hasn’t seen the children since my daughter began dating him two years ago. He says he tried to put the situation behind him, but confessed that he misses them and didn’t realize he would feel this way at the time he donated. Neither he nor the children’s parents have legal documents in place, and they skipped getting professional advice, believing it would all be fine because they are good friends.
My daughter says she could have accepted that he was a donor and has children, but she is very upset that he hid it from her all this time. They are still engaged, but she has put the wedding plans on hold until they can get through this. They are now talking about counseling. She says her world has been turned upside down. My heart is hurting for her, and we are supportive of any decision she makes. Your opinion is very appreciated.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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