The Onion asked conservatives why they fear the fetid hellhole that is the five boroughs of New York City, and this is what they said.
“If it weren’t for the Statue of Liberty welcoming immigrants, this country would still be populated by its indigenous white people.”“Every moment you spend in New York City you run the risk of being assaulted by spicy food.
”“An obsession with public transportation is a sign of fascism. That’s why Mussolini always rode the subway.”“No one seems to be worried about the giant green lady with the torch. What if she drops it and sets the city on fire?”
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