Even as we learn to better understand who we are, there are so many “norms” and pressures that make it difficult to truly express ourselves.
A couple weeks ago my friend and I went on a spontaneous road trip. We drove 75 miles from Cambridge, Massachusetts to eat lobster at Barnacle Billy’s in Ogunquit, Maine — a beach town with painted storefronts and roads bordering the ocean. We had one goal: to celebrate the birthday of her sister, who would be meeting us there with her wife.
The walk up to the restaurant was foggy, but on the patio where we sat, it had lifted. We ordered drinks and chatted. I told a story about coming out. A little further into the conversation, my friend’s sister leaned in.“That’s how you introduce your pronouns, right? I read it in your article.”around how to share your pronouns at work. Their answer was simple: Clear, straightforward, and casual — in the same way you’d share what region or city you live in.
The interaction was a little surreal. In this beautiful town, with the sun on my back, watching the boats rock in the harbor, I had a . For 30 years of my life, I had been talking about myself in a certain way, using language to describe myself that never quite fit. Now, when given the opportunity to change that, why was it so hard to make a shift? I write about this constantly and still struggle.
Upon reflection, I’ve come to this: I think as we get older, we inevitably learn more about ourselves. We change and so do certain parts of our identities. For , this can be especially challenging to navigate. Even as we learn to better understand who we are, there are so many “norms” and pressures that make it difficult to express ourselves and exist comfortably. A lack of the right language, a lack of understanding, a lack of spaces where we feel safe.
At the restaurant that day, I was in a safe space. In other parts of my life, I’m still struggling to . But I’m realizing now, the more I do, the more familiar those behaviors will become, and the more at home I’ll feel in mind and body. For anyone reading this letter, there are things you can do to help the people in your life who may be struggling with the same feelings.
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