A grandma and granddaughter are estranged over grandma’s meddling, and it’s squeezing the generation between them.
Your mother declares herself “unable” to stop, and you seem to buy that wholesale because she’s “old,” but if I were your daughter, I’d be seething at both of you for that alone — for so blithely accepting Great-Grandma as a helpless victim of her own impulses.
Your mom has one mandate here: to apologize, make amends and butt out. Any bystanders — you — with any other agenda are only making things worse.You say you’ve kept yourself out of it. However, things you “point out,” even “gently,” are a form of involvement — in which your sympathies plainly lie with your mom.her. Seems counterintuitive, but support builds confidence, which makes people more flexible.
Otherwise, though, the reallocation of your support from your mom to your daughter is the extent of your appropriate involvement here. You and your mom presumably can summon, like it was yesterday, how you felt during some of those endless days of rearing children. Presumably you can imagine also having to battle on a whole other front with an intrusive relative. Remind yourself of that whenever you’re tempted to treat your daughter as the one who needs to bend.
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