'The love in a therapist’s office is powerful, is real, and it must be respected, honored, and valued. That doesn’t mean it should be acted on.'
What I struggle with is the notion that I could possibly be experiencing genuine, authenticfor my therapist and that it might be a mistake not to pursue this relationship at some time in the future.
I don’t personally believe in absolutes in anything, so I think yes, it is theoretically possible for transference love to survive the transition to romantic love. Even if it does, however, it may still suffer the same fate romantic love often does—the bloom on the rose will fade and Yvette will be left with the nitty gritty work of learning to live with a person, even one who was so perfect in so many ways when in the role of her psychologist.
I don’t know what to do with any of this. What difference does understanding any of it make? It makes me feel ridiculous, just an embodiment of a textbook sentence on transference. I just want to make it go away. It’s a sad, sad thing. Who would want to feel this exposed? Who would want to share their feelings with someone who could never share in them? Yet, here I am.
I feel like you can see the darkness that nearly drowns me at times, and how other-worldly it is, and that nothing is actually wrong with me, that there is so much right with me that no one has seen. Yes, I badly want to rest in that feeling. But then I feel so silly because it’s seen as this cliche of being in love with my therapist. Yet, it’s changing my life. It’s like the whole universe is loving me through you. I wouldn’t feel this way with any therapist.
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