Sometimes the feeling isn’t immediately mutual, and it takes a little bit of pursuit
Photo: Michael A. Keller/? Corbis. All Rights Reserved. I could tell she was courting me. The constant compliments about my accessories. The invitations to lectures at the library. The birthday card on my desk with an offer to buy me a celebratory bourbon. In hindsight, it seems so obvious that we were destined to be more than co-workers. If I had made a list of qualities I desire in a friend , Lavanya would have met all of them. I just didn’t know it yet.
We still don’t have a good way of talking about pursuing friendship. Years of style-section trend stories have documented modern problems with finding and forging friendships. The term “friend crush” gets thrown around, or its gendered cousin, the “girl crush.” And, as has become de rigueur for low-level social insecurities, a few apps have appeared to help people forge friendships. A new one called Ketchuppp promises to help you make time for people you love platonically.
“Nearly all friendships are based on a spark of mutual attraction. Some people describe platonic love-at-first-sight stories, wherein they were instantly drawn to a new acquaintance and just knew they would befriend her,” says Carlin Flora, author of Friendfluence: The Surprising Ways Friends Make Us Who We Are.
Broadly speaking, though, women are still light years ahead of men when it comes to the direct pursuit of platonic love. “This division is breaking down somewhat with younger generations, but one factor still leads some men to not pursue friendships outside of ‘safe’ group activities: homophobia,” Flora says. “Women who ask out other women on friend-dates might feel awkward or weird or pushy, but they are not usually worried about appearing gay.
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