Following Dame Shirley Bassey onto the stage after her performance of Diamonds Are Forever at the BAFTA Film Awards, Rebel Wilson entered to the strains of the Bond theme wearing a shimmering hot p…
Film Awards, Rebel Wilson entered to the strains of the Bond theme wearing a shimmering hot pink dress, complete with 80s-style padded shoulders.
“Ladies and gentlemen and gender-fluid youth,” she opened, “welcome to the 75th and final EE British Academy Film Awards. Oh, wait, sorry? Is this not the final one? Oh, we’ll see about that! You guys might be like, ‘Why is Rebel Wilson hosting the BAFTAs? Isn’t she Australian?’ Yes, I come from the bush, but, if you think about it, don’t we all?”
After praising Dame Shirley she added, “I really do love that song. Diamonds are forever and so are leg tattoos of Daniel Craig. I regret nothing….” Wilson went on to address the obvious question of her recent image change. “Everybody’s like, why did you lose weight? Well, clearly it was to get the attention of Robert Pattinson… Just joking, guys. Seriously. I did not lose weight just for a guy. As if! I did it to get more acting roles. Boy, I’m now so excited.
Wilson closed by outing herself as the new Bond, saying, “And here’s my pitch for the new Bond film: Bond goes to Australia and it can be called. As the first, uh, female 007, the Bond girls will obviously have to become Bond guys. And because of agenda pay gap, I actually won’t be called 007. I’ll be 004.5.”
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