Dear Amy: I think just being around me was very difficult for my mom, and she never proactively tried to make amends, but on a couple occasions when I brought up the past, she said, “I’m so sorry.”
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You don’t illuminate your relationship with your father, but my perspective is that the fact that they have survived long enough to be elderly should not confer any more obligation upon you than when you were an abused 15-year-old victim — with no parents to protect and support you. The work of Dave Pelzer, a survivor of horrific childhood abuse, will provide a valuable perspective. Pelzer’s writing about healing and forgiveness will inspire you. Start with his book “A Man Named Dave: A Story of Triumph and Forgiveness” .
I visited my mom frequently enough to avoid the guilt I would have had if I had cut her off completely.
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