Should I try to get back in touch years after the baffling split?
Your adult children have a negative experience, and your mom-brain goes: “Ding! It’s time to make the donuts!” And you either fly into action or fall into worry-mode .
Developing loving and compassionate detachment is a process that involves a certain amount of realistic self-assessment. Some people are temperamentally more inclined toward worry than others. And any time your child struggles with serious health issues, this will trigger a wave of worry.
If you truly understand and accept your powerlessness; if you accept that other adults have the right to make choices — even bad ones — you will see that oftentimes the most powerful thing you can do is to abide with others through their challenges. I often picture this powerful witnessing process as holding hands and walking together, neither leading nor being led.And once you truly understand that you don’t have to make the donuts, you will experience your most tender relationships in a new way.
Cogent teachers who will help you to work through these feelings and impulses are: Pema Chodron, Brene Brown and Glennon Doyle. All have multiple books and video teachings available.
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