Anxiety and anger both involve the same physiological system. Here's how to express your anxiety, instead of your anger.
Responses to angry outbursts include expressing anger in return or disengaging .We’ve all been on the receiving end of an angry outburst. Often, we are so dysregulated by the threat that we can’t even understand what we’ve done wrong! Our responses usually take one of two forms: We expressare two sides of the same coin: They both involve the same fight-or-flight system. More centrally, anger is generally a manifestation of anxiety.
Both were valid fears, and both were expressed as anger. However, had each woman expressed their anxiety — instead of anger — our interactions would have been much different. Similarly, had the second woman said, “The mask mandates were lifted last week, and I want this whole nightmare to be over. Can we please try to move on, without taking unnecessary precautions?”
Notice what your anxiety is telling you, and use that to communicate what you need from the other person. Do you need them to stop doing something that’s causing you distress? Or to come through for you in some way? The goal here isn’t to control the other person, but rather to convey your emotional state — e.g., “Hey, I’m struggling with what you’re doing, it’s making me feel uncomfortable.
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