Advice | Carolyn Hax: For the first time in my life, I can dress solely to please myself, but I don’t know how to do that. Any tips how to decide for myself what works, pick what I like, and (the really hard part) trust the decisions I make?
So now I’m 45, 100 percent working from home. For the first time in my life, I can dress solely to please myself, but I don’t know how to do that. Any tips how to decide for myself what works, pick what I like, and trust the decisions I make? Maybe this is really a confidence problem?It may be, sure, when you’ve had it drilled into you that you and your tastes are wrong or don’t matter, it can be hard to tune that voice out, even when you want to.
Maybe start in person, though, for the confidence boost from someone who sees how you look. And however possible, make this fun. Find someone who will play dress-up with you: the person we all need sometimes.· Oh, I wish we were friends, I’d love to go shopping with you! Please don’t pressure yourself to find The One True Style for the rest of your life. I recently transitioned from very conservative work clothing to something more fun, and had some hits and misses.
I don’t want to dilute the very real traumatic experiences others have had by claiming something in my history was traumatic when it doesn’t live up to that description. I also don’t want to dismiss some of the experiences I’ve had as mere difficulties, since they still affect me. Yes, therapy has helped me with a lot of it, but there is always more lurking.Trauma is not comparative or zero-sum. That someone endured something worse doesn’t mean you didn’t go through something bad.
Preventively, I would urge staying off social media till you are more confident in your plan to unrock your world. Its “How can you say X is bad when Y is so clearly worse!!!” culture is tough on the rattled soul.
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