Advice | Carolyn Hax: A letter-writer is hurt that her sister sent a sympathy card addressed just to her husband after her stepdaughter's death.
Your sister is the one treating a stepmother badly, not society — so it’s okay to hold her solely accountable.
I understand that it’s much easier to blame the cosmos than one of the people who knows you best. But it’s also important to identify the face-kicker correctly. Your sister did a really crappy thing. Now it’s about your next step: “Hey, we got your card. I’m wondering why you addressed it only to [Husband]?” If she dismisses it as not a big deal, then state calmly that it mattered to you and that you’re grieving the woman who has been your daughter since she was 5. Ask gently for the support you want to receive, to been known as her mom. Again, my condolences.
At the risk of sounding like a caricature of myself, I’ll also add that even someone with grandkids/kids/dogs/cats/antique cars/gardens/etc. can glaze over at occasions with people who looove to talk about their grandkids/kids/dogs/cats/antique cars/gardens/etc.
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