Advice: Grandparents love spending time with their polite granddaughter – but could do without their son's girlfriend's rowdy kids.
And you are free to feel what you feel and think what you want. Yours are real concerns and I am sympathetic. However, they are also a combination of “not up to you” and “best not acted upon.”All three kids have had even less say in this arrangement than you have. The ill-behaved ones also didn’t decide to have whatever experiences they had, whatever guidance they received, and whatever wiring they were born with to produce the challenges they face.
You can also help your “real” granddaughter, though, by modeling generosity, flexibility, patience, maturity and love whenever you interact with what is now her family. Currently you are teaching her … well, not these things. You can also help the world, no exaggeration. Struggling kids are either everyone’s responsibility now or everyone’s problem later.And because there’s no more powerful motive than a selfish one, you can help yourselves, too, by resisting the lure of the easy thing — “visiting with just our granddaughter” — and pushing through to the compassionate work of being present for all these children, just because they’re children.
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