If you are a trauma survivor, forgiveness can be an important part of your trauma recovery, but it doesn’t have to be. Here are some good reasons to be cautious before you decide.
It takes a great deal of emotional and physical energy to protect yourself from someone who has harmed you. You may need to establish and maintain firm boundaries in your relationship, end your relationship, strengthen your support system, seek medical and/or mental health treatment, and navigate flawed social service, medical, and legal industries. This can be exhausting. You may not have the energy to focus on forgiving your abuser; if you don’t, then forgiveness shouldn’t be your priority.
You may need to experience and express your agency before you consider forgiveness. Robert Enright, Ph.D., who pioneered the scientific study of forgiveness , reported “… some people choose not to forgive. Respect for the rights of others requires that we respect that choice. We can educate others about what it means to forgive and the process of forgiveness but the choice to forgive is theirs alone." Therefore, you should respect your right to withhold forgiveness, as should others.
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