Y'all gotta stop um, 'eating' before bed.
Tap to play or pause GIF"Once I had a dream that Aziz Ansari was hosting the zombie apocalypse and narrating everything over a loud speaker like 'Oh shiiiiiiiit, that guy just got destroyed.'""Johnny Depp was teaching my sex-ed class and he taught us how to put a condom on a banana.""I was standing in line to go down a tall plastic slide in the parking lot of my job, when the woman ahead of me fell through the slide, hitting the pavement below.
'""I was in a sports locker room cleaning up when Ryan Gosling showed up and began to flirt with me. Then, all of a sudden, he started to remove his clothing, and I angrily told him to put it back on or I'd call security.""I was at a Britney Spears concert and all her backup vocals sounded like dogs. So I snuck backstage to see what the hell was going on, and I saw that her entire crew was made up of ferrets.
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