ROCKPORT, IN—Revealing that the latest addition to the presidential race had totally upended the 2020 election, a national poll conducted Monday found that President Donald Trump, as well as every single Democratic candidate, were now trailing a mysterious rune-covered Obelisk by 80 points.
ROCKPORT, IN—Revealing that the latest addition to the presidential race had totally upended the 2020 election, a national poll conducted Monday found that President Donald Trump, as well as every single Democratic candidate, were now trailing a mysterious rune-covered Obelisk by 8The newest numbers, which come from Emerson College, found that the 200-foot tall pillar, which reportedly has cryptic, glowing symbols engraved onto its surface, is now dominating among Democrats, Republicans, and...
According to pollsters, out of the 500 rural Indiana residents surveyed, over 99% pledged total obedience to the infallible Obelisk. In addition, respondents said that they felt confident about the future after gazing upon the constantly shifting runes emblazoned on the monolith. When asked if they would consider voting for a candidate other than the Obelisk, those surveyed were either heard screaming in pain or answered, “The Obelisk is all; we are the Obelisk.
“When I felt the rumble beneath me and saw a white-hot, screaming Obelisk suddenly appear out of thin air, I knew that was the candidate for me,” said Iowa voter Aaron Yalder, 49, adding that while he had been undecided for months, the Obelisk blinded him and commanded him to drop all other political allegiances. “Sure, I like that Sanders supports the United Steelworkers Union. And I like that Trump is tough on crime.
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